I'm on a diet. I don't believe in diets and I resent
that I am on one. I resent it
thoroughly.
I have only been on
two other diets in my life. The
first time was when I was a freshman in college. My health professor informed us that he would give all
students a skin fold test at the end of the semester and only those who
measured as "slim " would get an A on that particular
"assignment." At the
beginning of the semester, my measurement was not "slim " but
"ideal." I agreed that my body mass was ideal and would have
preferred to stay the same, but I was also an academic perfectionist and an
ideal body mass was only worth a B grade.
If I were in that same
class today, I would be complaining to the dean, writing letters to the editor,
maybe picketing. Everything about
the skin fold test grade was so twisted.
It rewarded underweight, unhealthy, anorexic people and reinforced their
eating disorders. It gave people
with ideal body weights cause to develop eating disorders of their own, even if
they were previously and correctly comfortable with their body weight. Even for
obese students, who really did need to lose weight, the policy was damaging
because it encouraged them to lose weight at an unhealthy rate in order to meet
the semester-end deadline.
But I was more docile
back then, and I really liked A 's, so I decided to accept the challenge to
achieve less than ideal body mass. Sort of. I wasn't at all willing to starve
myself, even for an A, so I only gave up all sweets and I exercised more often
than usual. At the end of the
semester, my body mass was still ideal and I wished I had just eaten dessert
when I wanted it.
My next diet was
unintentional but more severe. I
was a missionary in a third world country and my stove started shooting
flames. With the stove out of
service, I was limited to foods that did not require cooking. Foods requiring refrigeration were also
out because of the frequent power outages in the area. (When the stove worked, we would buy
fresh perishables every day for immediate cooking and consumption.) So I ate tomato and green pepper
sandwiches, without meat or cheese, every day, every meal, for 10 consecutive
days.
When I wrote my usual
weekly letter to my family, I must have seemed really hungry, because they called
the mission president to protest my living conditions. That happened to be day 11, the day my
new stove arrived, so the mission president reassured them that it was all
taken care of. However, he was
curious about what I had written to inspire such a reaction from my usually
laid back parents. He called me in
and pointed out that he, himself, packed a sack lunch of sandwiches every day
as he traveled across the mission area. I was duly ashamed of my weakness, until
I related the conversation to other missionaries who pointed out that he ate
nice sandwiches, with meat in them, and hot meals for breakfast and dinner. My
shame immediately evaporated.
So those are my only
two previous personal experiences with dieting. I don’t believe in dieting and some health experts agree
with me. Those who espouse the
"intuitive eating" philosophy argue that going on and off of diets
only destroys your metabolism and causes you to forget how to eat rationally,
resulting in even greater weight gain as soon as the diet ends.
Regardless of whether
they happen to be right or not, I like this kind of nutrition expert. They are saying exactly what I want to
hear. "Enjoy your food! Don 't torture yourself with a
diet!"
I do not like “serving
size Nazi” nutrition experts. The
powers that be have created a nonsense unit called the “serving.” From its name, it sounds like it would
be the amount of food that you could dig out of a platter with a serving
spoon—the amount you would actually put on your plate and eat. Actually, a serving size is completely
different for every possible food out there, but always much smaller than what
any rational, hungry person would choose to eat. Nutrition experts can do entire courses on serving
sizes. “A serving of bagel is
about the size of a wedding ring,” they explain. “And a serving of bread is the size of a crouton and a
serving of grapes is the size of one piece of a grape after you cut it into
thirds.”
Are these serving size
descriptions accurate? I don’t
know. I always tune out when
someone starts talking about serving sizes. The one thing I do notice is that the serving size Nazis
usually forget to mention that you are allowed several of these pathetic
servings during one meal. I think they like to see people starve.
Before anyone becomes
too scandalized and tattles on me to any of my coworkers at the health
department about my flagrant disregard for portion control, I should mention
that I do eat healthy food. You
know, skim milk or water instead of soda pop, turkey or chicken instead of red
meat, wheat bread instead of white, lots of vegetables. It’s just that since I do eat broccoli
much more often than I eat brownies, I don’t bother to feel guilty when I eat
brownies.
Or rather, I used to
eat brownies without feeling guilty.
Now I don’t eat them at all.
As I mentioned before, I am on a diet. A real one. The
first real diet of my life. I hate
it. But it is necessary. I don’t believe in diets, except under
special circumstances, but unfortunately, I am under special circumstances. After three perfectly healthy previous
pregnancies, my luck has run out and this time I have gestational diabetes. I
have to be good and figure out correct portion sizes by measuring my food onto
my plate with a measuring cup and mathematically choosing meals using the
nutrition brochures at restaurants.
Everyone points out that the diabetic diet isn’t the worst diet in the
world, and I agree, but I still dislike the diet even more than I dislike bleeding
myself several times a day to check my blood sugar. Poking yourself is generally acknowledged as torturous. Eating is supposed to be fun but has
become work for me.
I am trying to develop
a good attitude. I work in public
health, after all, and this is a great way to practice the stuff we preach
about chronic disease management—but lucky me; I only have to do it for a few
months instead of my whole life.
And won’t this experience help me to better empathize with the struggles
of people who have real, long-term health problems? If I could only stop whining about it, this could be a great
learning experience. I would stop whining, if I could only become less hungry.