Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Failed Foot Rub Compatibility Test

"Please, please, rub my feet."
"Don't you love me?"
"I don't love your disgusting feet!"
"You think all feet are disgusting."
"They are."
"I'm in pain.  I need you.  Why won't you do this little thing for me?"
"Fine.  You owe me."
"Sure.  I'll rub yours after you rub mine."
"Don't you dare touch my feet."
"You are the only person on the planet that doesn't love foot rubs."
"That's impossible.  There are millions of people on this planet.  Surely, at least some of them would agree that feet are gross.  I'll get on the computer and start a poll."
"No.  Stay here and rub my feet!"
"What is wrong with these feet anyway?"
"You know what is wrong.  I just had surgery."
"I'm not talking about that.  Why are they so dry and chapped and flaky?"
"These are boy feet."
"If I gave you a pumice stone, would you use it?"
"If I used a pumice stone, would you be willing to give me foot rubs?"
"Then, no, I won't use a pumice stone. And you're doing this wrong.  You need to rub harder.  And  twist the toes....No, twist harder."
"I am twisting hard!"
"Harder!  Unscrew them like lids!"
"I'm not going to hurt you."
"You can't hurt me. You're too much of a wimp.  Just twist them."
"Will you not be satisfied until I've broken all of your toes off?"
"Give me your foot.  I'll show you how it is done."
"Don't touch my foot!"
"See, this way.  It feels good."
"Ouch! Stop!  Give me my foot back!"

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